Friday 22 April 2011

Suckerpunch

When I was 12 years old I was a massive fan of action movies. I watched nothing else, and I used to devote a good amount of time to imaging the most awesome action scenes my 12 year old brain would allow, and wish like crazy I would have the opportunity to make a movie with such genius. Of course, I wouldn't have had a clue how to string those action scenes together with character or cohesive plot. And I give you Suckerpunch.

Because basically, that's what this movie feels like. A bunch of random action scenes thrown together with some scantily clad women, no bothersome storyline to worry about and you've gor]t your perfect 12 year old male fantasy wish fulfilment. This was actually the first movie of 2011 that I was looking forward to, and I was hoping that the director of 300 and Dawn of the Dead would give us this over the top fun ride like Kick Ass was last year. However whilst Kick Ass had funny dialogue, characters I cared about and a solid plot to string the over the topness (is that a valid expression?) together, Suckerpunch had none of the above.

Not much can be said about the film without giving stuff away (not that there's much to give away) but basically there's a bunch of orphan girls in a whore house/burlesque house, they want to escape and start using their imagination alot. And that's where the pointless, but admittedly awesome, action scenes come in. And I can defiantly commend the film for these scenes, as they are very pretty and imaginative and a lot of fun to watch. The films structure of having these random action scenes interspersed throughout the film feels as though the director is trying to "video game for the big screen" or something like that, but if wanted to watch a video game, I would have rented one out instead and had more fun controlling the action myself. Also, alot of video games have better plots than the weak excuse for a story that holds the action scenes together.

The ending of the film almost seems to insult the audiences intelligence by trying to make out that the film is really much deeper than it appears, but I doubt that anyone was fooled. The film seems to be trying to send a message of women's lib or female empowerment or something, but maybe I could have care more about this if I cared at all about the characters. Apart from a short opening sequence showing how the main character, Baby Doll" came to be in her situation, we don't really find out anything about the characters at all.

If I had to describe this film in one word it would be garbage. If I had to describe it in two words it would be tolerable garbage. I'm sure some people will overlook this films many flaws due to the impressive action scenes and the fact there are some somewhat original ideas on display here, but I can't. I can't really give the film any less than two stars due to how good the action scenes were, but that all it's getting.

** out of *****

Wednesday 13 April 2011

Wrestlemnia 27

First cab off the rank will be Wrestlemania 27, which aired live in Australia on Monday 04/04/2011. A week and a half later M memory of the event is naturally a little hazy, but I'll endeavour to do my best.

The show starts with the Rock coming out as the host of Wrestlemania and cutting a promo which, by the Rock's standards, was pretty standard and uninteristing, mainly talking about how he hates John Cena I think. They also do a bunch of backtage segments with the Rock during the show (one including Pee Wee Herman!), all of which are pretty dumb, except for his brief encounter with Stone Cold, which was really nostalgic and awesome.

Match #1 - Edge vs Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship

Edge is champion going in. Bizarre decision to start the show with this match, gone are the days when the Royal Rumble winner always faces the champion in the main event, which is a shame. I didn't even know who Alberto Del Rio was until he won the Royal Rumble this year, turns out he's a pretty decent in ring worker who plays a good heel, complete with his own ring announcer who speaks in Spanish which always makes the crowd boo him for some reason. Unfortunately I think Del Rio was a bit nervous competing in his first Wrestlemania match, as he looked awkward and sloppy at times. Edge was his usual self, and this match was a pretty good opener, a couple of legitimate near falls from memory, although Edge completely no sold whatever body part Del Rio was working on. Del Rio's good, but not ready for the title methinks so the right decision was made not to give it to him. ***1/4

Now that Edge has retired the week following this match it's sad that this was his last match. He was defiantly one of the WWE's best talent of the last 10 years, and was one of the main reasons to watch the WWE's current product.

Match #2 - Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes

This was just a match, nothing bad but nothing really great either, which really reflects Cody Rhodes as a wrestler, nothing special about the guy but at the same time he holds his own. Rey's usual shenanigans elevate the match from being below average but, if we're being honest, he's not really close to being the performer he was 10 - 15 years ago, despite the WWE's constant touting of his "High flying antics" or whatever. **1/2

Match # 3 - Kane, Big Show, Kofi Kingston and Santino Marella vs The Corre (Ezekiel Jackson, Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater)

I'd worked night shift the night before watching Wrestlemania and, of course, fell asleep briefly whilst watching it and slept right through this match. Thanks to Foxtel IQ I rewound it and discovered why, it lasted all of 1 minute 35 seconds. I'm going to call this the contractual obligation match as I can't think of any other reason why they would bring 8 guys out to compete in a match where basically nothing happened and didn't even last as long as Snooki's match. I'm pretty sure the Corre are all guys from NXT, the WWE's "reality"
show about new wrestlers. Stupid. DUD

Match #4 - CM Punk vs Randy Orton

I like CM Punk a lot and hate Randy Orton a lot, and so had mixed feelings about this match up. Turns out it was a pretty decent match, with CM Punk dominating most of the match up beating the crap out of Orton's injury with some really stiff blows, and Orton selling like crazy (I at least respect him for that). The ending also made sense with Orton sucking up the pain and hitting his finisher (RKO) out of nowhere after Punk had tried everything else to beat him. ***

I think it was around this time that they had the Hall of Fame segment. Shawn Michaels is the main inductee after retiring at Wrestlemania last year. Drew Carey is the celebrity inductee because he was once in a Royal Rumble or something, and is appropriately booed by the crowd. I hope the boos were directed at the WWE's bizarre decision to induct him rather than at Carey himself, as it's not his fault.

Match #5 - Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole w/ Stone Cold Steve Austin as Referee

A certain amount of nostalgia for me with this match, Stone Cold was the biggest star when I started watch wrestling 12 or so years ago, and Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole were the main commentators. Jerry Lawler always played the bad guy (heel) commentator and Michael Cole the good guy (babyface) commentator. Here their roles are reversed, which is how it should be because everyone always hated Cole and loved Lawler anyway. This is the "Sports Entertainment" match that they seem to have at Wrestlemania every year, where they use guys who aren't necessarily wrestlers (eg. in that past they have used Vince McMahon) and use minimal wrestling moves, instead attempting to make the match entertaining by having guest referees, a few big spots, people interfering in the match etc. Given that, this match was a monumental failure. It wasn't in the least bit entertaining, lasted way too long, and featured an incredibly stupid ending where the result of the match was overturned by the "Anonymous Raw General Manager" because Austin gave Cole a Stunner and thus Lawler, who originally won, was disqualified. Lawler and Austin consume copious amount of alcohol after the match, which of course fits in nicely with the new "PG, family friendly" attitude of the WWE. Austin came to the ring on a quad bike before the match for no reason, and following the match Booker T gets into the ring for no reason and gets a stunner from Austin for no reason. I can think of absolutely no reason why this match took place. DUD

Match #6 - Triple H vs The Undertaker No Holds Barred

Well, this was t\he obviously the match that the WWE would give the most time to and attempt to make the match of the night. It's a well known fact that these two guys have the most say over what happens with their matches/story lines, as Triple H is the Boss's Son in Law and The Undertaker has been around forever and is immensely popular, however they both seem to only pop up every now and then these days. A lot of people dubbed Undertaker and Shawn Michael's match at Wrestlemania 25 one the of the best Wrestlemania matches ever, and I was hoping that HHH's ego would lead him to try and outdo his best friend and, well, he certainly gave it a try.

Undertaker's story is obviously that he has never been beaten at Wrestlemania, and is defending his "streak." Triple H thinks he's the one to end the streak, after his bestie Shawn failed to do so twice, and subsequently was "forced" to retire. The match starts with some typical brawling in  the ring, the Undertaker uses "Old School", aka the most pointless move in wrestling, then some brawling out of the ring, featuring the obligatory wrestler being thrown into the steel stairs and the destruction of the Spanish Announce Table. They then go back into ring a begin the standard finisher/kick out/finisher/reverse/kick out repeat sequence (Undertaker choke slam HHH kick out - HHH Spinebuster Undertaker Kick out - Undertaker attempt last ride HHH reverse - HHH attempt pedigree Undertaker reverse - HHH successfully hits pedigree Undertaker kicks out - Undertaker Hits last ride HHH kicks out - Undertaker hits Tombstone HHH kicks out, or something like that.) A standard match probably would have finished with the Undertaker's tombstone, and would have still been three stars if they had ended it there. However, they then begin the extended epic finish which will either make or break the match. After recovering from the tombstone HHH hits Undertaker with two more pedigrees, and after the second one I was pretty sure that the streak was over but Undertaker kicks out. HHH can't believe it and decides he's going to finish Undertaker with his own move and Tombstones him, at which point I'm certain the match is over but Undertaker kicks out again. HHH now has no idea what to do so starts pummelling Undertaker with a chair, but still can't get Undertaker to stay down. During this whole time Undertaker is selling the fact that he is completely spent like a madman, so well in fact that several people who saw the show seem to have thought he was legitimately injured. Anyway, at some point Undertaker, unable to stand up and with the last remaining energy he has, gets HHH to the floor and traps him in his choke hold, which he calls "Hell's Gate", and, after struggling for a while, HHH taps. After the match Undertaker is carried from the ring and seriously looks dead. I can understand why some people thought it was legit.

The beauty of this match was the story being told of how important the streak was to Undertaker. A regular match would have see him lose after 2 pedigrees, but they then have him kick out of a third pedigree and a tombstone which, in wrestling world, would leave you at best completely unconscious and unable to move for five minutes. But Undertaker somehow found the energy to keep going because the streak means THAT much to him. Also, the ending was great as the only possible way Undertaker could win would be to trap him with his submission finisher on the floor as he couldn't even begin to stand up. The negative element of the match was that there was a lot a of time spent lying around doing nothing, although this was important to show the toll the match had taken on them. I may need to see the match again, but for the moment I'm going ****3/4

Match #7 - Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, John Morrison, and Trish Stratus Vs Dolph Ziggler and Laycool (Layla and Michelle McCool)

Snooki is apparently from reality show Jersey Shore, but I wouldn't know about that. Vickie Guerrero shakes her head as Snooki comes to the ring, and I can't help but agree. Not  because I have anything against her, I don't even know who she is, but I just don't know why the WWE insist on having these celebrity matches at Wrestlemania each year, surely they don't generate enough extra buys of the show to justify the money they spend on the celebrities appearance. Anyway, the match at least features a little wrestling, more than the 4 man tag match, so is instantly better. Snooki gets booed despite being on the babyface team, until she show off her gymnastics skills which seems to impress the crowd. Really a waste of time though, they could have had an actual match in the space they used for this and the 4 man tag. 3/4*

Match #8 - The Miz vs John Cena for the WWE Championship

This is the main event, and Miz is champion going in. A pretty cool video package was put together for The Miz before his entrance, whilst Cena has a weird religious video and a gospel choir for his entrance. What the? Anyway, I'm not a massive fan of either wrestler, although Cena does know how to work the big matches better than a lot of other guys. They wrestle a decent, although fairly predictable match for a while, which for some reason the crowd just isn't into, before they both get counted out and the match is declared a draw. At this point I'm thinking "If this is how they end Wrestlemania I'll give all my belongings away and become a nomad" and, low and behold, the Rock comes out. He gets a message from the Anonymous Raw General Manager, although he of course says he doesn't care what the Anonymous Raw General Manager, at which point the Rock uses his authority to re-start the match no holds barred. The Rock then almost immediately hits Cena with a Rock Bottom, Miz covers Cena and retains the title... and that's the end, after Rock also attacks Miz of course. I kinda wish they stuck with the original finish **3/4. Peculiar ending, but I'll get to that in a second.

Overall thoughts

A lot of the responses I've seen on the net for this show have been overwhelmingly negative, with some people calling it the worst Wrestlemania ever, which I think is pretty harsh, and perhaps "Most Bizarre Wrestlemania Ever" might be more appropriate. There were defiantly some awful matches, and the two world title matches weren't of world title match quality. However, HHH vs Undertaker, and, with the exception of Cole vs Lawler, the matches that had some significant time dedicated to them were at least decent. I think the title of most bizarre Wrestlmania is appropriate becasue; the show started with a world title match, everybody (and I mean EVERYBODY) thought Del Rio and Cena would win the two world title matches, and the opposite happened, and the end of the show was very, very odd. Also, the show just didn't have the Wrestlemania "feel" about it which, if you'd seen a few Wrestlemanias, you'd know what I mean.

Overall Score: 6/10

Now, after having not watched wrestling for a while, my current thoughts on their product are as follows. They still seem very hit and miss in terms of knowing how to use their talent properly. Some of their best workers were either in rubbish matches (John Morrison), had their match removed from the main card (Daniel Bryan, who is their best talent IMO) or not even on the main card at all (Evan Bourne). They seem to live in their own little world where John Cena is still their best and most popular guy just because he sells merchandise and can be marketed to children under their new "PG family friendly" image. Never mind the fact that he still gets, at best, a mixed reaction from the crowd at a lot of shows. With guys like HBK and now Edge retired, and Chris Jericho AWOL (I've got no idea where he's gone) they seem to be in desperate need of some new talent. In regards to the bizarre finish to Mania, on Raw the next night they set the main event of Wrestlemania 28 as John Cena vs The Rock... which should be awesome and it's an interesting tactic to start the build to the match a year early, but did they really have to sacrifice the main event this year to do it? Anyway, I've said enough. See ya later.

Welcome

Welcome. This is my blog. I think this blog will mainly be to discuss pop culture topics; movies, TV, music etc., but we'll see what happens.

So, why the blog (I hate the word blog but am trying to get used to it you see)?  Well I've recently become aware that my opinions regarding the above topics are always right, and naturally have suffered many sleepless nights with the knowledge that they aren't out there for the wider public to access. So now, even if the highly unlikely event of someone reading this blog doesn't occur, my conscience can rest easy knowing that anyone in the world is able to view the correct opinion on the stated subjects. While you may argue that for my conscience to truly be at peace I should be doing more, such as widely distributing my views on a popular website where everyone will be aware of them, like IMDB for instance, you have to remember that the conscience is of course a very personal, subjective thing, and in my personal, subjective opinion this blog will suffice.

So, conscience satisfied, I hope you take heed of the wisdom that will henceforth be imparted.