Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Imagine a freshly laid cow turd. Imagine five or six young people bored out their minds come along and urinate on that cow turd. Now imagine one of them decides to eat that cow turd, vomits it up due to it's overpowering awfulness and then eats it again, this time keeping it down. That young man has just been left with a better taste in his mouth than this abysmal garbage dump of a film will.
When the first live action Transformers movie was announced I was very skeptical about how well it would work. My skepticism grew when I heard that Michael Bay, who isn't exactly known for his masterpieces, was attached to direct. But somehow, and I'm not sure how, it worked as a fun, popcorn action film. Then came the sequel, Revenge of the Fallen, which despite it's pretty visuals and ambitions to showcase some epic scale action scenes, turned out to be a bloated mess of confusion and noise. And now, with the third (and fingers crossed for the sake of humanity LAST) film in the series, Bay has outdone himself and performed a miracle by making a film even worse than Revenge of the Fallen.
This film fails in almost every area. The acting is terrible from most of the cast, especially from Rosie Huntington-Whitely, who replaced Megan Fox as the main love interest/eye candy for teenage boys. Heck even Frances Mcdormand can't even pull out a decent performance, and she appears like she's just going through the motions and wishes she was anywhere else but appearing in this movie. The characters don't invite you to care one bit about them, there are literally no scenes in the film which are indented to allow the view to empathise with the characters or give a crap if they live or die. The soundtrack is incredibly irritating and insists itself upon you, even in scenes were the characters are having a mundane conversation. And the film is way too long, at least half an hour could have been shaved from the film.
I won't even bother discussing the lack of plot, because I'm sure anyone who loves these movies would say something along the line of "It's not about the plot, it's about the awesome action scenes, explosions, and 3D visuals!" So ok, if I were to concede that those things alone make a good movie (which I'm not conceding, but if I were to) the film even fails in that regard. There's a difference between having a well shot, exciting action scene that draws you in and a series of loosely connected scenes that have no flow and exist simply to demonstrate how visually impressive a movie can be with a multi million dollar budget.
I had so much more I wanted to write about this crap (including how little sense the Deceptions plan made) but I thing I've vented my frustration enough, and I'm now going to attempt to bury it to the deepest recesses of my mind forever.This film should score nothing at all, but because the visuals are so damn impressive I guess it has to get something. Just don't watch this movie, Ever.
1/2* out of *****
Bridesmaids
As opposed to the above film I don't really have much to say about Bridesmaids. Also, as opposed to the above film I really enjoyed Bridesmaids. I can't remember the last time I've laughed so much during a movie. Kristen Wiig is very talented as a comedy actress and writer, the characters are all interesting and well crafted, and most importantly a great amount of effort was put into mixing the laughs with pathos, and I think everyone should be able to empathise with the main character. I'm sure some males will be turned off by this film because they see it as being a "Chick flick" or whatever, but they shouldn't. The idea of this film, from what I can gather, was to make a Judd Apatow style gross out film where females were the main characters, and it has certainly achieved that. Come the end of the year I can guarantee this will be remembered as one of if not the best comedy of 2011.
**** out of *****
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